Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
