my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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