sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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