the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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