i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize