Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
