Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
