I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He shit in the fireplace
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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