Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Blood and glitter go together right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
