Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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