I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
