i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
