You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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