some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
