masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
