dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
