Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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