I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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