You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
