mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
