im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
