Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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