Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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