Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am naked and annoyed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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