remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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