God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
