i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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