You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
