I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
