I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The struggles of a small town man whore
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
