walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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