I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
