My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
