I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
