PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
