I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
