I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
