I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
