Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
