Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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