I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
