Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
