all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
where are you?
Hypothermia
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
