please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
