So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
