I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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