you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
