If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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