her vagine was all disorganized.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
