How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
