actually, I'm a sock model
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your penis caused this!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
