I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that