I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.