Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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