Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"