I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...