he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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