It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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