There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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