I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.