and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.