this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are