Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im so drunk with asians
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.