Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law