Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.