I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
