sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
