Redeem this text for a blowjob
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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