Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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