it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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