**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
