unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
