Don't you send me to vm
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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