grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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