The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
