I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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