You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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