so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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