How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
