Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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