I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
