I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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